Help for Men
While the majority of victims are women, men do experience domestic abuse and need support in the same way.
It is often hard for men to get help in these situations because of fears about being ridiculed, not being believed or being treated unfairly by agencies.
The Dyn Project can help male victims of domestic abuse engage with local services so that they can be safe from further abuse.
Information for men
Men can be victims too!
Not only women are victims of Domestic Abuse. Men can be, and frequently are, also victims of abuse in the home, either at the hands of their female or, in the case of same-sex relationships, their male partner. Abuse is a control issue - abusers believe they have the right to manipulate, control and humiliate another person, and this belief is not only held by some men but also by some women.
This page is not questioning statistics, or asking whether more men are abused by women or vice versa. At the end of the day the question is almost inconsequential. We know that there are many men who DO experience Domestic Abuse at some stage in their lives, and whether there are 1000 or 100,000 per year in the UK alone doesn't make any difference to the individual suffering and fear and pain experienced by any one man in an abusive relationship. What is important, is that their suffering is taken seriously, and that support and help is available when needed, regardless of gender.
Many of the effects of abuse are the same for men as for women. They are likely to feel deeply shamed, frightened, experience a loss of self-worth and confidence, feel isolated, guilty and confused about the situation. A lot of male victims of abuse however, have great difficulty defining it as such. To many, the idea of a grown man being frightened or vulnerable is taboo, the idea of a man - usually physically the stronger - being battered, ludicrous. Hence many male victims of abuse may feel "less of a man" for suffering abuse, feel as though they are in some way not manly enough and ought to have the ability to prevent the abuse.
The reality though is that even if a man is physically attacked by their wives or partners, many men will take a beating rather than hitting back to defend themselves and risk harming their attacker, and even if they do, they are aware that they then risk being accused of being an abuser themselves. But abuse is not always physical, and a lot of men, in common with many women, face daily emotional, verbal and psychological abuse in silence for years, their self-esteem being slowly eroded away, becoming more and more isolated from those around them.
Men can also be victims of sexual abuse. A gay victim may be raped by their partner, suffering all the agonies any other rape victim would. Many men in abusive relationships do not feel in control of their own sex life, their partners may demand or coerce intercourse, may make derisory comments about their manhood or ridicule them in public. Any form of sexual contact which is knowingly without consent can be experienced as sexual abuse - regardless of gender! Many men also experience "sex as a reward for good behaviour" and the opposite of being denied any intimacy if they have (knowingly or not) done something to displease their partners, as being an abusive use of sexuality. In an abusive relationship, sex is often used as another form of manipulating and controlling the other person, whether male or female, and that is abusive.
If you are being abused
If you are a man and are being abused or have recently escaped an abusive relationship, please know that you are not alone. There are many of you out there, and many, like you, feel as though you are the only one to experience this sort of abuse. It is okay to be frightened, confused and hurt. Someone you love, care about and trust has broken that trust, turned against you and hurt you.
You don't have to suffer in silence, there are agencies and people who do care and can offer you help, support and advice. Check out the helplines and links at the bottom of this page which are specifically designed with you in mind. They are there to help you. Just because you are a man does not mean you are impervious to pain!
Some useful links:
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MenWeb - Abused men. Very comprehensive with loads of personal stories and articles.
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Male Victims of Domestic Violence - A UK-based Domestic Abuse site specifically for male victims and survivors. Includes information on types and effects of abuse, coping mechanisms & more.
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The DYN Project (Wales)
www.dynproject.co.uk
0808 801 0321
The Dyn Project provides accessible support for men who experience Domestic Abuse in Wales regardless of age; race; religion or sexuality.
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Men's Advice Line
0800 8010327
www.mensadviceline.org.uk
The Men's Advice Line is a confidential helpline for all men experiencing domestic violence by a current or ex-partner. This includes all men - in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.
If you need to talk to someone you can also contact the :
All Wales Domestic Abuse & Sexual Violence Helpline
0808 8010 800
Please see details below for information:
The Oasis Centre (a non-gender specific service)
Pontypridd Safety Unit: 01443 494190
The Pontypridd Safety Unit aims to:
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Provide safety measures, advice, advocacy and support
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Provide information on positive civil and/or criminal options to increase safety
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Can provide advice and information on prosecution procedures
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Work closely with other agencies
